At 1 AM I was drifting asleep then for whatever reason thought it would be fun to spend my day in Chicago.

At 1:18 AM, I left my house and started driving to Chicago. Google Maps was telling me it would be a four hour drive if I made no stops. With the one-hour time difference, I was scheduled to arrive at 4:13 AM.

While I was leaving Bloomington it was the quietest I had ever seen the city before. It felt like I was the only person awake at that hour. It was a bit eerie but at the same time it heightened the excitement. At this point I was only feeling a rush of adrenaline.

The adrenaline carried me through the first hour and it went by in a blip. I had listened to my favorite songs and was feeling good about the trip. After this hour, I was approaching my hometown, which provoked my first thoughts of doubt. I started to think that I should maybe just pull over, rest, then either continue my journey in the morning or drive back to Bloomington. I would be able to get some food, sleep, and see my family. All of which were things that would have certainly been nice to have, but deep down I knew that if I stopped, my adventure would lose all momentum. So I kept going.

The next portion of the trip was the biggest mental challenge. My adrenaline and excitement were overcome with doubt and a sense of fear. I started to think about the logistics. I had no place to sleep, no actual plan, very little money to spend, and still three hours left to drive. While pondering these problems, it started to absolutely pour. At this point I became straight up scared. It was an “oh shit” moment of thinking “ah this is why people never do things like this”. I could hardly see anything with the darkness and rain, so my only focus was my safety and getting off the road.

At the nearest exit I pulled over and stopped at an old gas station. I was the only car at a run-down gas station in the middle of no-where-Indiana. I couldn’t text or call anyone because it was 2:50 AM on a Monday morning and everyone was sleeping. I sat under the roof of the gas station watching the storm for about 20 minutes. I could’ve slept there but I decided to carry on and take the risk of finding a better spot to get some sleep.

The next 30 minutes of the drive were not any easier, but luckily enough I came across a rest stop. This stop was full of semi-trucks and a handful of cars. I parked in a spot at the end of the lot and crawled into the back seat of my car. In my trunk I had a spare pillow and bath towel which I used to create a makeshift bed. It was surprisingly comfortable (probably because I was so tired and worn out). The rain beating against the car created a cozy feeling and allowed me to rest my eyes for 90 minutes. Despite still being in the middle of nowhere with none of my other problems figured out, this was my favorite part of the trip. I was filled with uncertainty, comfort, regret, and optimism all at the same time. This combination of emotions sparked a feeling of excitement that was new to me.

At 4:30 AM, the storm had passed and I was ready to finish the drive. This back-half of the drive was smooth (except for the three toll stations in a row) because I knew I was close to arriving in the city.

At 6:30 AM, the city skyline came into view with the sunrise in the background. The view was amazing and exactly what I had set my sights for when I made the decision to leave earlier that night. I felt a sense of accomplishment for making it to the city as well as making it through the night, which had felt impossible to overcome when I was stuck at the first gas station just four hours ago.

My sense of jubilation was quickly squandered as I then remembered I had no plan whatsoever. Finding parking is not easy in Chicago, especially when you have no idea where to look. I spent 25 minutes navigating the morning rush hour traffic with the hopes of somehow finding a spot. Eventually I found a parking garage, but the rates were ridiculous, and it was a far walk from everything I wanted to see. I felt like I didn’t have a choice, so I parked there anyway.

I had overcome my first challenge of the day but could only think about all of the other problems and expenses I was about to encounter. Thinking past this, I ignorantly grabbed my backpack and started walking. My phone’s battery had dwindled down to 4%, so I couldn’t rely on Google Maps to get me where I needed to be.

The walk started great. I was confident that I was heading in the right direction and enjoyed parts of the city as I went along. I came across a handful of other people with backpacks, who I presumed to be students, so I decided to follow them hoping it would get me somewhere. They walked into an underground subway so naturally I followed.

Then it quickly fell apart. I forgot there’s about a thousand different buses and trains to choose from in Chicago, and I had no clue how to figure out which one I needed. On top of that, I had no ticket or pass to get me through the metal turnstiles. I asked the lady at the security desk for some help, but she was not very welcoming. She told me to go consult the machine on the wall to figure it out. The machine was slightly more helpful than the lady, but still caused some confusion. A line of impatient locals on their way to work started to form behind me. After enough clicking, I was given a paper ticket which I had to hope was what I really needed.

I took the ticket to scan at the turnstile, but it would not work. Now I was really flustered because I couldn’t figure out what seemed to be such a simple process. The lady noticed my struggle, so she came out of her office and started yelling something at me. With all the commotion I could not understand a word she was saying so I stood there frozen looking at her confused. She came over, snatched the ticket from my hand, pressed a button and sent me through the gates.

“That was pretty rough, but at least I’m making progress” I thought. My nerves and embarrassment combined with the long walk caused me to be stuck standing there sweating my ass off. My phone was now about to die, and I started to get the gut feeling that the train, which I had just worked so hard to get to, was going to take me even further away from where I needed to be. I waved the white flag and decided to leave. Everyone who just watched me struggle, including the security lady, saw me turn around and walk back through the turnstile and straight out the front doors.

I returned to my car which was the only safe space I had. I changed into some spare clothes and tried to get my act together. I was on the brink of giving up and just going home, but then once again I grabbed my backpack and started walking.

Five minutes into my walk I realized I forgot to grab my snacks for the day, so I again had to turn around and head back to the car. I was frustrated by this inconvenience, then realized it was a strike of good luck as I noticed an outlet in the stairwell on the way up to my car. This allowed me to charge my phone, which looking back was the turning point of the day.

To no surprise, having my phone as a tool made my problems significantly easier to solve. I downloaded a magical app that told me exactly what train/bus I needed to take to get anywhere I wanted. I once again grabbed my backpack and walked back to the station. This time I confidently swiped the card and walked right through the turnstile acting like I had been riding the subway for my entire life. I found my way to the red line and rode directly to the downtown area.

At this time, the people I left behind at home started waking up. I got a text from my roommate asking why I was not downstairs yet to take the bus to class, to which I responded that I would not be there today because I was in Chicago. This came across to him as a joke but once he face-timed me and saw me on the subway he realized I was being quite serious. I could tell that he was extremely confused about how we went to bed at the same time but I woke up four hours away in Chicago. I found this amusing, so I continued to face-time different people to see their reactions.

Once I arrived downtown my day was rather straightforward. I was able to explore the city to my liking and on my own time which was nice. To play my role as a tourist, I took pictures at the bean and ate lunch at Navy Pier. My favorite part was the people watching, as I found it interesting to watch people go about their days with so much intent while I sat there on a bench with no intent at all.

I enjoyed the rest of my day strolling about then decided it was best to head home before dark. I didn’t want to let go of my time in the city but knew I had to get back to Bloomington to resume my daily life.

My drive home provided me plenty of time to reflect on my short spontaneous journey. I knew that it was far from being an extravagant trip in terms of sightseeing and experiences, however, I could feel the significance it had on myself.

Upon arriving home and walking back into reality I was hit with people questioning my reasoning and even doubting my sanity. My erratic decision seemed to indicate that I was having an episode or in some sort of danger. It was all a question of “why did you possibly do that?”. My immediate response didn’t help because I lacked a clear explanation behind my decision and could only say “I don’t know, it seemed exciting”.

After being home for a few days, I started to reflect on the why. Even I wanted to know: why did I do that? I thought maybe people were right and I really did lose my mind for 18 hours. This did seem possible, but deep down I knew there was a reason.

After thinking, I realized it was simply a case of finding the courage to challenge myself and silence all my internal doubts. Too many times have I had an idea to do something exciting, then subconsciously talk myself out of it. My mind automatically fixates on all the reasons not to do something. The result of this has been a lot of regret.

So for whatever reason, at 1 AM on the 1,074th Monday of my life I decided that I was not going to disappoint myself again. There was an experience that I wanted to have, so I blocked my internal doubts and just did it.

I now have an everlasting memory for myself that was created on a day that would have otherwise slipped into the abyss of forgotten days.

Advice to my future self: Each day has two possible outcomes. You can make it a day to be remembered or you can allow it to become a day that is forgotten.