A few months ago, I was spending hours each day to build meechio and prepare it to show the world. Since then, I have failed to even touch it.

I have once again slipped into a thoughtless cycle of going through the motions.

Two posts ago (1 AM Trip to Chicago), I gave myself the advice: “Each day has two possible outcomes. You can make it a day to be remembered or you can allow it to become a day that is forgotten.” Unfortunately, I’ve had a lot of forgotten days since that post.

I completely lost all momentum. My habits have fallen apart, and I feel as if every ounce of creativity has left my body. It’s not a great feeling, and I’m stuck feeling like the worst version of myself.

During this time, I set my schoolwork as the main focus in my life. Projects and exams consumed me and left me feeling drained. By the end of each day I felt no desire to touch meechio or even give it thought. There was the looming feeling that I was slowly losing the things that I had once put so much thought and energy into.

That time lingered on for what felt like forever, until now. My junior year semester has wrapped up, so I am left with a month break. A month for me to rebuild my habits and find my lost creativity.

The first day of my break, I felt free and energized to start rebuilding myself. This quickly disappeared once I tried taking action. My first day back in the gym after a two-month break was quite demoralizing. I felt just about as weak and tired as I had ever been I was mad at myself, as I knew where I would be now if I had not taken two months off.

The same thing happened when I reopened my meechio workspace. My once crystal-clear vision of what I wanted meechio to become was now a blurry image. I had lost all efficiencies with my coding and am struggling right now to transfer my thoughts into writing. Again, a feeling of self-disappointment.

I am at a point of feeling shitty with myself, but the nice thing is that there’s only one way to really fix it. I hope this post serves as a tipping point, so I can look back in a month and see that I’ve made some progress with myself. Taking action is the only thing I can do right now, so that’s what I’m doing regardless of how rusty I feel.

This post is far from my most creative writing, but it may be the most important piece I’ve written so far for myself. A piece of accountability and a sign of action can go a long way in shifting momentum. To my readers, if any, don’t worry. The writing will hopefully get better after this.

Advice to my future self: You will face many points of discontent throughout your life. At these points, the past is irrelevant, and you have all the time in the world ahead of you. Reevaluate, take some action, and achieve some cool shit.